Antiarry
by Entmoot
Summary: What happens when you put Harry Potter characters into the play Antigone? HILARIOUS! And just from the play: angst, romance, character death, slight humor. Promise this is really good though!
1. Pointy Shoes!

Disclaimer: I don't own the _Harry Potter_ series or _Antigone_ and I make no money. DEAL. WITH. IT.

Title: Antiarry

Rating: PG...at the moment.

Author: Entmoot

A/N: Ok, brief background... Mr. Baldwin is my Language Arts teacher, and he is one of the funniest, definitely most open teacher I've ever had. In his class we went outside to work on doing the play 'Antigone'. Every part had two people to play it (and my part was smaller than he thought) so it was a day that I wasn't acting. While I was sitting there making comments to Suga hi (read her stories, go, do it NOW! Well, after you read mine! :D), and I realized how funny I could make it if I changed a few of the words and put _Harry Potter _characters it could be funny. It sounds dumb I know, but please just work with me. This should be good. Please enjoy! You do _not_ have to know anything about Antigone really, to understand this I don't think. If you don't understand something...E-MAIL ME!!!!! Use the e-mail gwollagirlgp at yahoo . com

Summary: This is what would happen if the Greek play _Antigone_ was easier to read and characters from Harry Potter were in it (with their own personalities in parts too)! So hilarious! Total AU and parody. Please r&r! Not meant as slash.

-------------------------

Who plays whom:

Antigone (daughter of Oedipus): Harry Potter

Haemon (Creon and Eurydice's son): Draco Malfoy

Teiresias (blind prophet): Sirius Black

Ismene (other daughter of Oedipus): Ronald Weasley

Creon (King of Thebes): Severus Snape

Eurydice (Queen of Thebes): Colin Creepy, er I mean Creevey

Guard: Neville Longbottom

Messenger 1: Arthur Weasley

Messenger 2: Molly Weasley

Chorus: Albus Dumbledore, Remus Lupin, Hermione Granger

---

Director: Sybil Trewlany (sp?)

Assistant directors: Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil, Ernie Macmillan, Luna Lovegood

-------------------------

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Malfoy, Lupin, Dumbledore, the Weasley parents, Collin, Neville, Snape, and Sirius Black all were sitting down...and annoying each other as much as humanly possible. Snape was pestering Neville about his potions homework, the dream team verbally abusing/being abused by Draco Malfoy, Sirius and Lupin were fighting about that, Collin was being bugged by Arthur Weasley about muggle things, and Molly Weasley was telling Arthur to shush and leave the poor boy alone. All of this went on until a dreamy voice called out,

"Be quiet everyone! We have to work hard if we're going to get all of this done in time, which we barely will my inner-eye tells me."

Inevitably, everyone burst out talking louder.

"QUIET EVERYONE, OR MY SPIKED SHOE WILL GO UP A PLACE WHERE NO SUN SHINES!!!!!!!!" snarled Lavender Brown. Most everyone got quiet real quick. Those shoes looked sharp_, really_ sharp. Harry saw Snape do a small lopsided grin 'Just try it, Brown, just try it' he mouthed. Harry shuddered, and chose to ignore him.

"Thank you, Miss Brown," said the divinations professor. "Now, everyone, if you'll take a look at your script, you'll see who you play." Everyone looked down.

Harry looked down, sighed. /_Just trust me to get a girl part_/ he thought. He looked over at his best friend's script, and saw that Ron just happened to be his sister. Ron looked just as excited about this as Harry did.

"You made me a –GIRL-!!!!!" Ron shouted. "I'm NOT a girl! I'm a guy!"

"Don't try to lie to yourself, Weasel King," Draco Malfoy said slowly.

"Shut up!" Harry glared at his mortal enemy. Someone new entered the beginnings of what could've turned into a big fight.

"Oh, that doesn't matter. In Greece back when this was written that didn't matter. They only had male actors. They didn't really mind, because they weren't girls. They thought of it like most guys might think of being an old man in a play. You shouldn't be upset, Ron," explained Collin. Malfoy looked at him and rolled his eyes.

"Who are you, Malfoy?" asked Snape off from a side, not looking up from his script.

"Creon. I don't even need to look," he stated and smirked.

"Yes, I think you should." Malfoy looked at him surprised. Snape gestured at his paper, so Malfoy looked down, and whined.

"I'm not Creon. Why am I not Creon? I'm _perfect_ for the part..."

"I'm Creon," Snape sneered. "I would gladly give it up though. I don't even want to do this, but Dumbledore wants me to. Wants me to do something social within the school, even if Trelawny is doing it..."

"And you should," said Dumbledore.

"Yes, sir."

"Hey," started Malfoy. "Who's this Haemon I play? Is he evil? Is he part evil? Am I anything like him?"

"Well, that depends," said Dumbledore with a twinkling in his eye. Malfoy was slightly startled that he was still there, but what had been said, had been said.

"On what?"

"On whether you love Harry and would die if something happened to him." Dumbledore chuckled.

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" wailed Malfoy. "You can't make me! I'll tell Father!"

"Daddy's little boy, huh?" said Harry with a triumphant grin.

"Shut up, Potter, or I'll kill you."

"You wouldn't want to do that, Malfoy."

"And why not, may I ask?"

"Because _you­ _don't want _me_ dead. You _love_ me..."

"Why you little...!"

"Scripts everybody!" hollered out Luna Lovegood. In surprise, everyone looked down. When they looked back up wondering what had just happened, it turns out that they had been clothed in togas in put into what looked like the area around a castle; a castle that wasn't Hogwarts...

"Now, everyone, you're in character and setting! Begin!"

With that, everyone suddenly had no need of their script. They knew what was going on and what they were to do...

-----------------------------

Crappy beginning, I know. Most introductions are. Anyway, there that was, and the next chapter will be on here very soon! Love you all, and _please_ review, I beg of you! Not because I need them to continue the story (at the moment), but because they make me feel good, usually. Thanks for reading!

Love all,

Entmoot


	2. Sisters and Chorus

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in or from _Harry Potter_ or _Antigone_. I am not making any money from this; I will not make any money from this.

A/N: I did think that I'd get it out soon. Oops. Oh well, life gets in the way of a lot of things.

Oh, and this story is mostly me playing around with the script, so you have the story of _Antigone_. So, if you don't like the play _Antigone_, there's a very good chance you won't really like my story.

I don't really know where the acts and scenes are separated (bad script). So it's my guess and my name for the scenes/acts.

I will put both the names of the play character and _Harry Potter_ character that is speaking; with the latter first. (i.e.: Harry/Antigone said…)

Obviously, if you're in love with _Antigone_ or _Harry Potter_ this may be seem like bashing to you, but it's not. So, if you complain to me about it and flame me, I will ignore it. If you turn me in, I have other places to post this baby, so NYA!

I thank my beta-reader, Suga hi! I wubbles you!

Basically, whenever you see the name 'Merlin' I changed it to that from god/gods, Zeus, etc.

OH, ONE MORE THING! And, just because the chorus people are smart and explain things, unless I see something that must be altered so that regular intelligent people can understand it, I will probably just copy from my script (what I copy will be italicized and underlined). Yes, I know that in Greek Theatre that the Chorus spoke together, but I want them to speak by their lonesome, so… deal with it! Hee… Again, I don't own it, no money is made, no-one should sue me. Thanks. Although, if you can't understand something, ask about it in your review and I will explain. Thank you again!

Albus and Hermione will be the ones that read from my script (kinda), and Remus will sum it up. Okay? Okay. Good. Er… Toodles, now to the story, finally! (I will make a conscious effort to make these A/N's shorter).

_**Act One**_

_**Scene One:  
**__**Of Which We Have Two "Sisters" Talking and the Chorus**_

Harry/Antigone looked around as he walked by the tall palace behind him. When he saw Ron/Ismene, he motioned to him, and he came over.

"Greetings, Ismene,"

"Greetings,"

"Guess what?"

"What?"

Harry/Antigone looks very upset and worried. "Merlin hates us," he whined. Then he straightened up. "Do you know what else is making our life be horrible?"

"I'm a girl?" Ron/Ismene offered. All around Ron there were mad co-workers hissing from off a ways and people telling him to read his script. Ron/Ismene turned a little bit red, but then continued on. "No, I know of nothing, except for that our brothers killed each other, and that the Argive host fled." He turned to Lavender, and she smiled and gave him a thumbs-up.

"I need to tell you something else of that…"

"Oh, God, what now?" Ron asked with an exasperated sigh.

"What? Creon has destined our brothers to different ends; one to an honorable burial, and the other to be unburied forever in shame. According to rumor he, Polyneices, is to not be buried or entombed but to be left to beasts!"

"Na-uhn!"

"Yes-huh, and let me finish, R-Ismene! If we or anyone else don't do what Creon says (not burying or putting our brother in a tomb) we'll be stoned!"

"What can we do, or, er, not do?"

"Will you help me?"

"Do what?" Ron feebly asked as he felt a bit of anxiety over what Harry would say next. Nothing good ever happened when something wasn't allowed and Harry asked for help about something.

"Will you help me bury our brother?"

"But we're not supposed to!"

"Since when does that bother you?"

Ron/Ismene squeaked in an unnaturally high voice, "B-But they'll stone us!"

"I will do what I should - and what you should - to my family. I once said I'd always be there for my brother, I shan't quit now that he's dead," Harry/Antigone said courageously. His face contorted to dark determination. "Creon can't keep me from my own," he said dangerously.

Ron/Ismene retorted, "Antigone, think of it! Our father died hated after he had to strike himself blind with _his own hand_. Then there's mother, and she was both his mother and wife, you know, and she hung herself! Then our brothers were killed in the same day, leaving us. So much is wrong, and if we do this, go against the powers of Creon, we will die worse than the rest. And - and - and," Ron/Ismene stuttered as he tried to make him say the next thing. "And we must remember that...wearejustwomenandthatareruledbythestrongerandwemustdowhattheysay. We shouldn't get involved; I hope that we're not already blamed."

Harry/Antigone paused for a moment. "Never mind. Even if you did wish to go, I wouldn't want you there. I will do it _myself_. I hope I do die for doing so, because I haven't done anything wrong, I love my brother, and because my loyalties _do lie_ with the dead more than the living. I'm proud. _You_, though, will be guilty of going against the laws of Merlin."

"I'm not guilty, and I refuse to go against the law!"

"Fine, I will go take care of the one _I love_,"

"Be careful, Ha-Antigone,"

"I'll be fine, just worry about you. You're good at that,"

"Don't tell any of this, Antigone, hide it! But tell me, your sister!"

"No," Harry/Antigone answered. "You will be hateful if you don't tell all,"

"You have a cold heart,"

"I act as what I will be,"

"Fine I guess if you _can_ do this… You shouldn't do this at all, you know,"

"Just stop it, and leave me be, so that I can suffer and do it all myself,"

"Go then! Just remember some people actually love you, and can't be without your existence."

The two look at each other, and leave where they had just conversed. To where they had just been, the chorus people enter; Albus, Remus, and Hermione.

Albus began, "_Beam of the sun, fairest light that ever dawned on Thebe of the seven gates, thou hast shone forth at last, eye of the golden day, arisen above Dirce's streams. The warrior of the white shield, who came from Argos in his panoply, hath been stirred by thee to headlong flight, in swifter career; who set forth against our land by reason of the vexed claims of Polyneices; and, like shrill-screaming eagle, he flew over into our land, in snow-white pinion sheathed, with an armed throng, and with plumage of helms,_"

Hermione followed with (as she ignored the stares she was getting from Ron as he is a smitten, hormonal teenager, that likes girls, and she's in a very _nice_ toga), "_He paused above our dwellings; he ravened around our sevenfold portals with spears athirst for blood; but he went hence, or ever his jaws were glutted with our gore, or the Fire-god's pine-fed flame had seized our crown of towers. So fierce was the noise of the battle raised behind him, a thing too hard for him to conquer, as he wrestled with his dragon foe._

_For_ Merlin _utterly abhors the boasts of a proud tongue; and when he beheld them coming on in a great stream, in the haughty pride of clanging gold, he smote with brandished fire one who was now hasting to shout victory at his goal upon our ramparts._"

Albus continued, "_Swung down, he fell on the Earth with a crash torch in hand, he who so lately, in the frenzy of the mad onset, was raging against us with the blasts of his tempestuous hate. But those threats fared not as he hoped; and to other foes the mighty War-god__ dispensed their several dooms, dealing havoc around, a mighty helper at our need."_

Hermione went on, "_For seven captains at seven gates matched against seven, left the tribute of their panoplies to_ Merlin _who turns the battle; save those two of cruel fate, who, born of one sire and one mother, set against each other their twain conquering spears, and are sharers in a common death."_

Albus finished up, "_But since Victory of glorious name hath come to us, with joy responsive to the joy of Thebe whose chariots are many, let us enjoy the forgetfulness after the late wars, and visit all the temples of the gods with night-long dance and song; and many Baachus be our leader, whose dancing shakes the land of Thebe._

_But lo, the king of the land comes yonder, Creon, son of Menoeceus, our new ruler by the new fortunes that _Merlin_ have given; what counsel is he pondering, that he hath proposed this special conference of elders, summoned by his general mandate?_"

Remus looked at both of them and thus explained, "A great warrior came and went against Polyneices and many others, and with him he brought a gigantic army.

"He waited for us outside of our homes, and he and all of his men were blood-hungry. There was a dragon, and the dragon was won over.

"There were seven gates with an even number of men against one another. All but the brothers left their tribute, and then the brothers killed each other in a double strike with spears.

"After this event Thebe did win against all, and many rejoiced. The new king from this was Creon, and we are waiting to see why he asked for a special conference.

"That's about it,"

As Lupin finished up with that, all waited as the next scene was about to begin.

-

I will try to get a new chapter up soon. Sorry again for the long wait, and so many authoress notes! There won't be a need for all of those next chapter, hopefully you survived.

Love all (but will love you more if you review),

Entmoot


End file.
